don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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