i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
