So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
