Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
