The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
