Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I currently don't understand fingers.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
