The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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