I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
