It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
