i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
