just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
