All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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