The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
