Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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