If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
