if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
