my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
