It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's blow job season.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
