At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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