i don't like sucking hair
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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