my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
