He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
