I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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