Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
