tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
