the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
