No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
