it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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