hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Acid is not a monday night drug
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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