I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
