Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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