She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
