my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
