we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
