went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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