just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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