the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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