I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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