He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
