So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Don't make out with my wife yet
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
