I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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