Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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