Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
