What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
