i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i love accidental penises.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
