I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
