HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
