It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
