i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
