Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
