My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
