Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
